The Week’s Most Fleeting, Skeeting, and Hades-Heating Headlines IAMS WHAT IAMS It was a week in which Americans obsessed over the question, “Are Haitians eating cats?” There’s reason to be skeptical of the rumors. First of all, cats clean themselves regularly, and Haitians have an ingrained aversion to anything hygienic. Haitians are far more likely to eat not the cat but what it leaves in the litter box. After all, cat saliva’s a natural antibacterial, whereas the average Haitian is a natural probacterial. If it kills germs, Haitians don’t want it. But still, is there any ...
The Week’s Most Mirthing, Girthing, and Virgo-Birthing Headlines THE LITERALLY NAKED GUN 2025 will bring a reboot of the Police Squad/Naked Gun movies, starring Liam Neeson in the Frank Drebin ...
The Week’s Most Neighboring, Taboring, and Day-of-Laboring Headlines HANG LOOSE, BRO “Oh Calcutta?” More like “Oh, He’s Un-Cutta.” Residents of L.A.’s Mid-Wilshire district are being ...
The Week’s Most Straining, Paining, and Summer-Waning Headlines WITCHY? POO! Turns out it didn’t take boycotts, DeSantis, or screaming “groomer” on X to finally snap ...
The Week’s Most Reasoning, Treasoning, and Hurricane-Seasoning Headlines UGH In 2020 a 32-year-old Injun went missing in British Columbia. Sidney Mantee couldn’t be found ...
The Week’s Most Colonial, Demonial, and Closing-Ceremonial Headlines CHIMPS LOSE FACE When chimpanzees attack, they go for the face. And while the story of Travis the ...
The Week’s Most Rustic, Fustic, and Augustic Headlines ROMA WASN’T BILKED IN A DAY Gypsies, tramps, and thieves We’d hear it from the people of the town They’d call us ...
The Week’s Most Sciatic, Rheumatic, and Olympiadic Headlines THE LONG HOT SUMMER GAMES In the immortal words of Orson Welles, “Muah-ha-ha the French.” Arrogant when they ...
The Week’s Most Sheltering, Peltering, and Sweltering Headlines HONEST GAYBE The problem with declaring everyone gay is that eventually you run out of heroes to spotlight ...
The Week’s Most Supping, Cupping, and Surf’s-Upping Headlines ALOUWITLESS, GENTILE ALOUWITLESS The French word for “wave” is “vague,” from the Latin vagus, which ...
The Week’s Most Griping, Piping, and Stars-and-Striping Headlines SILENCE VOW? AUDIENCE SAYS “WOW!” Last week A Quiet Place: Day One landed a franchise-high opening ...
The Week’s Most Blazing, Crazing, and Dog-Dazing Headlines JUDGE FUDGE 1992’s The Distinguished Gentleman starred Eddie Murphy as a jive-talkin’ brutha who impersonates a ...
The Week’s Most Bacterial, Venereal, and Juneteenth Funereal Headlines MR. FREEZE MEETS MR. FRIES Another Juneteenth, another body count as America’s blacks celebrate the ...
The Week’s Most Faddy, Paddy, and Day-for-Daddy Headlines THE THIN BLACK LINE After a state trooper was killed last week by a drugged-up driver during a traffic stop in ...
The Week’s Most Time-Biding, Home-Siding, and Gay-Priding Headlines GAY GROUP AIDS GAZA It’s LGBLT Pride Month! And you probably hadn’t finished celebrating May’s ...
The Week’s Most Roomy, Doomy, and June-Gloomy Headlines END-STAGE STAGES Maybe the real nightmare regarding immigration isn’t that “they’re not sending their best,” but ...
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