Abraham Lincoln

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Sheltering, Peltering, and Sweltering Headlines HONEST GAYBE The problem with declaring everyone gay is that eventually you run out of heroes to spotlight because gay stops being special. Ever since LGBTOs (“BTO” because “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet” is the anthem of every tranny who flashes schoolgirls) abandoned the “10 percent standard” of the 1980s (“10 percent of people in the world are gay”) for “everyone’s gay, everyone’s trans, we’re the majority,” LGBTs have lost the niche market that gives birth to things like Black History Month, ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Blazing, Crazing, and Dog-Dazing Headlines JUDGE FUDGE 1992’s The Distinguished Gentleman starred Eddie Murphy as a jive-talkin’ brutha who impersonates a ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Bacterial, Venereal, and Juneteenth Funereal Headlines MR. FREEZE MEETS MR. FRIES Another Juneteenth, another body count as America’s blacks celebrate the ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Faddy, Paddy, and Day-for-Daddy Headlines THE THIN BLACK LINE After a state trooper was killed last week by a drugged-up driver during a traffic stop in ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Time-Biding, Home-Siding, and Gay-Priding Headlines GAY GROUP AIDS GAZA It’s LGBLT Pride Month! And you probably hadn’t finished celebrating May’s ...

Kenny Rogers

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Roomy, Doomy, and June-Gloomy Headlines END-STAGE STAGES Maybe the real nightmare regarding immigration isn’t that “they’re not sending their best,” but ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Arboreal, Raptorial, and Day-of-Memorial Headlines EIN VOLK, EIN REICH, EIN FUROR It’s been widely reported that when Jimmy Carter was running for reelection, ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Hunching, Bunching, and Actor-Punching Headlines GENDERONIMO! American mass shootings have occurred everywhere. Schools, malls, churches, temples (Jew, Sikh, and ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Glomming, Aplombing, and Flowers-for-Momming Headlines BREAKING BAD (WIND) How do you know you’re the least popular American president in history? When you ...

Baton Rouge State Capitol

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Trying, Plying, and Cinco-de-Maying Headlines OFF THE BEATEN PATHOLOGICAL Tranny advocates can’t find their Matthew Shepard, the gay man “beaten, tortured, ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Fussing, Trussing, and Exodussing Headlines HOLLYWOOD MAGIC, HOLLYWOOD TRAGIC The anchor of the Universal Studios Hollywood theme park is the legendary tram ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Disaster-Heading, Needle-Threading, and Matzo-Breading Headlines PALM BLEEDINGS Remember Dionne Warwick’s Psychic Friends? Well, Danielle Cherakiyah Johnson ...

Alexandria Ocasio Cortez

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Gayish, Grayish, and Patriots’ Dayish Headlines TAKING IT UP THE BUTT(ERFLY) There was a time when leftists demanded that the entire world stand still for a ...

Lorne Michaels

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Bitter, Glitter, and Eid al-Fitr Headlines WE INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMADAN... Canadians are like sloths. It’s hard to hate sloths. They’re ...


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