The Week’s Most Quirky, Jerky, and Twerky Headlines CONGRESS: LESS POPULAR THAN HEMORRHOIDS It has been two weeks since the inaction of an obstinately squabbling Congress led to the current partial government shutdown. This is to be expected, as 60% of the “authentic psychics” ...
The Week’s Most Inspirational, Sensational, and Confrontational Headlines PSYCHOSIS ON THE POTOMAC Washington, DC, currently in a state of partial suspended animation because the right hand and the left hand can’t agree on an acceptable level of pickpocketing, hosted two displays of ...
The Week's Most Bloody, Gutty, and Nutty ...
It is rumored that in winning the crown, Campbell beat out several contestants who actually have ...
The Week’s Most Spurious, Notorious, and Vainglorious Headlines BIKERS v. MUSLIMS IN D.C. In what may disappoint readers who enjoy the occasional outburst of large-scale inter-civilizational violence, there appeared to be no mob beatings nor suicide bombings on September 11 in Washington, ...
The Week’s Most Felonious, Euphonious, and Sanctimonious Headlines CRIME BLOTTER: GUNFIGHT AT THE VIOLENCE AIN’T O.K. CORRAL Gunfire erupted during an anti-violence vigil last Thursday night in Charlotte, NC. A group called Mothers of Murdered Offspring had arranged the ...
The Week’s Most Insane, Profane, and Inhumane Headlines THE DELUSION THAT MISTOOK ITSELF FOR A DREAM Commemorating the half-century since MLK’s 1963 March on Washington and “I Have a Dream” speech that drew a crowd estimated in size from 250,000 to 400,000, a significantly ...
The Week’s Most Scurrilous, Querulous, and Perilous Headlines SPORTS: WHERE POLE VAULTING MEETS POLE SMOKING Simply because the issue of whether or not an athlete enjoys the taste and texture of genitals similar to their own is the most pressing issue facing modern sports and global culture, ...
The Week’s Most Scabrous, Fantabulous, and Cadaverous Headlines SWISS CHOCOLATE AND MELTED CHEESE Billionaire fat black lady Oprah Winfrey and psychotic male feminist Hugo Schwyzer, both of whose zany shenanigans landed them in this column last week, are actin’ a fool again. As the ...
The Week’s Most Aggravating, Exasperating, and Humiliating Headlines Public shaming was a psychological cornerstone of communist societies. Although framed as “self-criticism” in both the Soviet Union and Red China, it most often manifested more as craven submission to group ...