Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Knowing, Crowing, and Beachgoing Headlines WILLY WONKKKA Last week the trailer for the new Willy Wonka prequel had its world premiere. Wonka stars delicate ...

Harrison Ford as Han Solo

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Swaying, Slaying, and Dog Daying Headlines INDIANA JONES AND THE HOLOCAUST OF INEVITABILITY Way to go, Indy. You saved Hitler. Again. In Raiders of the Lost ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Shirkin’, Twerkin’, and Fireworkin’ Headlines COMPAÑÍA DE TRES Immigration’s taken a terrible toll on American farce. Three’s Company was a ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Prissy, Hissy, and Solstice-y Headlines POSTHOLIDAY BLUES (AND BLACKS) Juneteenth occupies a unique place among holidays and celebrations. With Halloween, for ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Leaniest, Meaniest, and Juneteeniest Headlines HE WUZ KANG With a million multiple universes, you’d think Marvel could find one with a black supervillain. It’s ...

De La Warr Pavillion, Bexhill

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Heavy Lossing, Cookie Tossing, and Betsy Rossing Headlines STATUES OF LIMITATION Where are climate activists with paint cans when you need them? The ...

CNN: If It Bores, It Scores!

Anticipating this brutal column, CNN has just fired Chris Licht. If the next CEO plans to last any longer, he'd better implement these changes right away! At the risk of raising ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Heart-Tugging, Big-Lugging, and June-Bugging Headlines WITH FIENDS LIKE THESE There’s an old joke about a passerby who sees a Jewish man walking what appears ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Rending, Bending, and Three-Day-Weekending Headlines TO’JO MAMA (Sung to the tune of “Nagasaki”) George Soros and Pammy Price, Wok an Asian like fryin’ ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Stunning, Cunning, and Preakness-Running Headlines NEVER AGAINESVILLE It’s to Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman’s credit that the one thing he doesn’t lie about ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Commie, Pommy, and Flowers-for-Mommy Headlines THE FUN-HOUSE MIRROR HAS TWO FACES You’ll get a bigger hand if you can stand on your head, Be a clown, be a ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Dozing, Posing, and Run-for-the-Rosing Headlines GOVERNMENT CHEESE DIPS Black-run cities love government giveaways. To a point. Free cheese? Check. Free ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Gayish, Grayish, and May-Dayish Headlines FORTY ACRES FOR A FOOL William Darity, a Duke University “professor of economics,” declared last week that the ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Bitter, Aglitter, and Eid al-Fitr Headlines REPARATION OUCH Attention, Walmart clobbers! Blue Ash, a Cincinnati suburb, became black-and-blue ashy after ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Boxing, Outfoxing, and Easter-for-the-Orthodoxing Headlines LARDO CALORIESSIAN Celebrity fetishes are nothing new. Rousseau liked getting spanked (hence his ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Begging, Bootlegging, and Easter-Egging Headlines HOSTAGE NEGROTIATOR Mark Taylor might be the ballsiest lawyer ever; dude’s trying to score cash by purposely ...


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