The Week’s Most Mummering, Bummering, and Summering Headlines JUNETEENTH PICNIC: FREE KNUCKLE SAMMICHES! In the U.K., the day after Christmas is Boxing Day. In the U.S., the day after Juneteenth is Bagging Day, in which the gunfire ...

The Week’s Most Eeny, Meeny, and Juneteeny Headlines 31 FLAVORS A SLAVE Juneteenth, a Texas-originated celebration marking the end of slavery, had traditionally been a regional, minor jubilee. But in June 2020 craven government ...

The Week’s Most Flaying, Fraying, and Flag-Daying Headlines WET BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE BELONGED It’s back! The parade no one wants. No floats, just flotsam. The marching band is marching bandidos. No drill squad, but a mile of ...

The Week’s Roomiest, Zoomiest, and June Gloomiest Headlines THE LONG CON Not since the wife in Gone Girl has someone made such vindictive use of their death. Jimbo Jackson was the principal of Fort Braden K–8 school in ...

The Week’s Most Flaying, Spaying, and Memorial Daying Headlines OKAY, WHO CAUSED A TEMPORAL PARADOX? In the Bizarro 1980s (an inverted-reality dimension), Philip Michael Thomas became an A-list movie star after Miami Vice. Bobcat ...

The Week’s Most Burying, Ferrying, and Primarying Headlines ENOUGH WITH THE POLACKS ALREADY Call it the Museum of Intolerance. New York’s Museum of Jewish Heritage has banned Florida governor Ron DeSantis from speaking on its ...

The Week’s Most Ellipsing, Eclipsing, and Apocalypsing Headlines SKULLED LABORERS There are many indicators that you may be living in a crappy country. Frequent coups and juntas, plagues of diseases born of poor hygiene, streets ...

The Week’s Most Spaying, Swaying, and Mother’s Daying Headlines WORDS ARE VIOLENCE! (SO IS VIOLENCE) America’s trannies rank among the greatest inventors of our time. True innovators, like George Washington Self-Carver, Androgene ...

The Week’s Most Husking, Busking, and Elon Musking Headlines BANNED, ON THE RUN The danger in being a merciless tyrant is that if your regime is toppled, those to whom you showed no mercy will repay the unkindness a thousandfold once ...

The Week’s Most Swaying, Braying, and Earth-Daying Headlines BLACK FACE IN BLACKFACE For the professional blackface hunter, that dogged activist who ferrets out and cancels anyone who dares to wear blackface, times are lean. Average ...

The Week’s Most Shining, Pining, and Passover-Wining Headlines GIVING UP DECENCY FOR LENT Lent used to be about resisting evil. Now one church is making it about giving in. After all, what better way to show devotion to God than by ...

The Week’s Most Calming, Psalming, and Sunday-Palming Headlines THE BIG APPLE’S GENDERLESS WORMS NYC mayor Eric Adams has a hard life. Like getting court orders to smother toddlers with unnecessary masks, and then partying maskless ...