Freak Friendly

“You know, despite it all, it’s still really a miracle America elected a black man as president,” my 60-something neighbor said to me over beers recently. You get this a lot from people born before 1965. Apparently, America is a racist hellhole and the fact that they overcame this ...

The Death of Decorum

When punk hit London in the late 1970s, it was impossible to buy bondage pants or hair dye or even a leather motorcycle jacket. Punk back then was about using whatever was available to be ridiculous, even if that meant walking down the street in your pajamas. It made their parents furious and ...

Charity Hurts

Isn’t charity the best? The Season of Giving just finished giving itself to us and every year the message becomes clearer and clearer: Charity is the best feeling in the world. What charity you ask? Who cares? It’s all about giving. All people need to say is, “He gave it to ...

Feminism’s a Bitch

Why are women in bars? I mean, I know why they"€™re allowed in bars. It's the law, but why do they bother? Isn"€™t it like Gay Marriage? You want the right to do it but you don"€™t actually want to literally do it. Bars are about poisoning your body and arguing about politics, which, when you ...

Still Kicking Palin Around

The media has successfully chased Palin out of politics, but that doesn"€™t mean she won"€™t become the next president. After the press clobbered Nixon out of a presidential campaign and then out of a California governorship, he told them, "€œYou won"€™t have Nixon to kick around any ...

Is Interracial Marriage Legal?

The story of one man’s contribution to multicuturalism. Like all good immigrants, I came to this country determined to assimilate as quickly as possible. This was my second time immigrating. The first was in the 70s when I came from England to Quebec and mentally replaced the UK's stringent ...

Fuck Single Mothers (Figuratively)

Not just Octomom but Bimom and Unimom, too. It took me several years to gain my wife's trust. For some reason she didn"€™t want to give her ovaries to a complete asshole who cared more about cocaine and comedy than fidelity. After about four years of courting and getting older, we both took a ...