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Deep Thoughts

Sasha and Malia Obama

Little Selfies on Hogwash Mountain

A "€œselfie,"€ when posted by an even remotely attractive girl, is a bit like telemarketing. Everyone claims to hate it, and conventional wisdom deems it to be incredibly ...

No Light at the End of the Cosmos

There is no magic in the new Cosmos"€”no angels or demons, no dragons in Eden, just cold dust and burning gas viewed through rose-colored glasses. No creator gods dominate the ...

What’s the Matter With Blackface?

Last week, some rich guy at a party in Vienna may have grabbed Kim Kardashian’s ass and someone may have approached her wearing blackface. So? She got $500,000 to be the ...

Who Will Hire the Hangman?

Why should the dying have all the best deaths? Fatal illness is not the only form of terrible human suffering: on the contrary, the briefest of reflection should be enough to ...

In Defense of Bronies

Ridiculing “Bronies”"€”those fanboys who are obsessed with the TV show My Little Pony"€”is a forgivable offense. Sure, these are seemingly heterosexual males who ...

The Strategic Beer Initiative

As cultures ancient and modern continue their clash along the bleeding arc from Timbuktu to Afghanistan, America's policy mandarins are searching for a way out of a dilemma that ...

John Cleese

10 Great Things About the Brits

A lot of things about Great Britain aren"€™t so great. Their bathrooms are freezing and if you want a shower, you have to turn on the hot water tank and wait twenty minutes. ...

A Sozzled Apprehension of Politics

I am seated in front of the Optiplex, drinking Padre Kino red and garnering insight. The garnering is tough these days. Still, to this end nothing is so effective as cheap Mexican ...

12 Tips on Proper Bar Etiquette

In America, people do air travel like they"€™re going to a sleepover, bring kids to R-rated movies, and let their offspring run around restaurants like we"€™re all in the same ...

The Folly of Resentment

There is one group of people whom it is morally permissible to hate, and of whom in these times of speech codes it is allowed or even obligatory to speak hatefully: namely, the ...

It’s Hard out Here for a Dudebro

When I was a kid, a “dude” was a cowboy who worked on a ranch and had an abiding fondness for his horse. I didn’t start hearing “dude” used as a ...

Fear of a Clown Planet

After all the progress we’ve made as a nation, it’s depressingly obvious that Americans still harbor a deep-seated hatred and fear of clowns. This shameful fact ...

10 Secrets to Good Conversation

Last night, I dreamed I had been kidnapped by Chechen terrorists, whom I shot in the cock before jumping off a bridge. My wife doesn"€™t want to be bored with the details of ...

The Importance of Hatred

With all the deintellectualization, deindustrialization, and dehumanization in the news it's easy to become numb. A looming battle with Syria for no sane reason, surrender of ...

Johnny Buffalo McInnes

10 Misconceptions I Had About Parenting Before I Became a Parent

It's easy to be arrogant about parenting before you become a parent. Here are some insane beliefs I had about parenting before I tried it. 1. I"€™LL NEVER WEAR A BABY ...

Has Pot Become a Hard Drug?

More than half the country says they think pot should be legalized. This is due in part to a brilliant PR campaign that frames cannabis as a valuable medicinal herb instead of a ...

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