The Firepower Next Time

England’s cultural rainbow went up in flames last week, and as the smoke clears and the fog stubbornly returns, the experts are once again arguing over exactly how it all started. Few seem willing to discuss exactly how it all ended. No one disputes that the flashpoint was the police shooting of ...

A Bright Future for Pessimists

It’s said that no news is good news, but the problem is that there’s plenty of news, and all of it’s awful. I scanned my memory banks to try and remember the last time I heard a news story that pleased me or gave me hope for the future. I drew blanks. It’s not that there aren’t problems ...

Beavis and Butthead

The Retarded State of Public Debate

As the international embarrassment known as the American debt-ceiling debate winds down and Congress decides on how much more they should rob unborn Peters to cover for deadbeat Pauls, I feel like wiping the shit off my eyeballs after witnessing this endlessly infantile blame game. It’s a ...

Anders Behring Breivik

Between Thought and Action in Norway

When I first read Ted Kaczynski’s Industrial Society and its Future, better known as The Unabomber Manifesto, I was impressed with how logically dispassionate it was, especially its devastating dissection of leftist masochism and hostility. Each paragraph—sequentially numbered as if they were ...

Finding My Personal Political Pigeonhole

People tend to embrace whatever political ideology justifies their existence. Since I feel like a working-class Tonka Toy born with a 350-cubic-inch, 4-barrel-carb, V8 brain under the hood, a meritocracy makes the most sense to me. If the government is going to redistribute anyone’s wealth—not ...

Won’t Get Schooled Again

In what’s being described as the most extensive case of test-tampering in US public-school history, Georgia Governor Nathan Deal dropped an 828-page bomb on the state last Tuesday detailing fraud in Atlanta public schools that was so ineptly concealed, it suggests that many of the city’s ...

The American Nosedive

Reading the Declaration of Independence 235 years after it was written, it’s kidney-punchingly obvious that the United States government has become precisely the sort of bloodsucking tyrant against which the Founding Fathers revolted. These days our primary financial and political mechanisms, as ...

Staph Infection

Our Scary, Filthy, Killer Hospitals

One would have to be flea-brained to deny that if we had no hospitals, millions of us who are now alive would be dead. Then again, only a paramecium’s cerebrum would deny that a lot of us who are now dead would be alive, too. “Medical errors”—those tragic and costly mistakes, fuckups, ...

Mexico Sues Georgia for Making it a Crime to Be Illegal

On May 13th, Georgia’s governor signed a bill that essentially made it illegal for illegal aliens to be illegal. As hatefully punitive as that sounds, the bill’s most explosive passage—hold onto your seat, because it’s shocking—permits police who are conducting criminal investigations, ...

Just Another Fairytale Lesbian Blogger From Damascus

The eminently credible mainstream media was all aflame last Tuesday with reports that a prominent lesbian blogger in Syria had been captured by armed-and-hairy secret police who were none too pleased with her lesbian blogging. It was presumed that at the very least, her hatefully oily captors would ...