Notting Hill carnival, 2019

Black Mystery Month

As February ends, so too does Black History Month (BHM)—although, as is often noted, this “month” now appears to last all year long. At least in the U.S., you have some genuinely historically significant black people in your history worth remembering: Martin Luther King, Frederick Douglass, ...

Progress pride flag

Putin Has a Point

This week marks the first anniversary of Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine, a war not currently going terribly well in terms of actual physical territorial conquest, so which now increasingly has to be portrayed as a battle for something else rather less tangible instead—the continued ...

Holy Inappropriate, Batman!

An exciting new addition to Disney’s long-running childhood favorite Winnie the Pooh franchise is released this week in cinemas. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is an adults-only slasher flick in which Pooh and Piglet become rabid ax murderers terrorizing teenage girls in woodland areas. The ...

Black & White TV

When I was a child, there was a persistent playground rumor that the letters “BMW” in the German car manufacturer’s brand name secretly stood for “Black Man’s Willy,” a “willy” being an infant British slang term for a penis. When we grew up, none of us wanted to ride one. In ...

Let Them Eat Cock

By now January is almost over, meaning most people’s New Year’s resolutions will already have crumbled away into mere atoms, just like mine: It’s not even February and already I’ve murdered two prostitutes. Perhaps the most common failed New Year’s resolution is to quit smoking, a solemn ...

Save the Pandas—Kill the White People!

Just like pandas, white people are fast becoming an endangered species out there in their traditional areas of natural habitat, and for the same basic reason, too—namely, a strange reluctance to keep producing enough new bear cubs. The main difference is that, in order to combat this sad ...

Jordan Peterson

A Sick Society

Once again, Jordan Peterson has just been canceled—I think it’s basically his job now. Ever since first shooting to public attention back in 2016/17 over his fears that new Canadian laws might lead to criminal prosecutions for those who stubbornly refused to address transgenderists by their ...

Blacks & Ladders

Christmas and New Year’s have now come and gone, and doubtless, like most families, you spent much of your time over the holidays fighting with one another over age-old, tried-and-tested board games like Snakes & Ladders, Ludo, or Risk. But things could have been far worse. Had you been ...

The Dictionary Definition of Stupid: Redefining the Word “Woman”

When in 1755 the great 18th-century man of letters Dr Samuel Johnson finally published his seminal Dictionary of the English Language after almost a decade of arduous toil, early purchasers were surprised to discover several joke definitions lurking mischievously within its pages. Most famously, ...

’Tis the Season to Be Racist

This December 25, I’m going to have a truly white (Aryan) Christmas by festooning my tree with shiny little baubles in the shape of raised right arms going ‘Heil Hitler!’ before surmounting the whole thing not with a glowing festive star, as is customary, but a large sparkling swastika—and ...