Joe Bob Briggs

Joe Bob Briggs

Joe Bob Briggs is the drive-in movie critic of Grapevine, Texas, currently resident in New York City, where his pop culture commentary appears in print, on television and at various dive bars that defy the modern world by allowing the smoking of cigars.

Cultural Caviar

It’s Not Your Grandfather’s Party Doll

Sep 12 2019

GETTYSBURG, Pa.—So I was planning to write a cute little feature article about the guys in Silicon Valley warning us that the sex dolls of

Cultural Caviar

George Carlin

You’re Not Allowed to Laugh at That!

Sep 05 2019

RALEIGH, N.C.—The stand-up comedy stage is the last place where you can speak without a filter. Or at least I always thought so. People are

Cultural Caviar

Please Don’t Kill Yourself, That’s Our Job!

Aug 29 2019

NEW YORK—There’s a moment in the cult film Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2—we all remember that one, right?—when deranged serial killer Ricky Caldwell wanders

Cultural Caviar

Legislating Lethal Ladies Leggings

Aug 22 2019

NEW YORK—As far as I can tell, there are six warring factions in the Leggings Wars. First come the “You’re Disgusting” people: Women should never

Cultural Caviar

Martin Scorsese in Hugo

Movie Directors Apologize? Really?

Aug 15 2019

NEW YORK—Last week a $57 million movie flopped and the director apologized. He didn’t just apologize, he kind of humiliated himself publicly. This doesn’t happen.

Cultural Caviar

My Pilot’s Nickname Is “Bottom Gun”

Aug 08 2019

WILLIAMSBURG, Va.—I have this strong suspicion that the airlines are lying to us every time they say, “We have some weather ahead.” “Some weather ahead”

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Aug 01 2019

RICHMOND, Va.—I meet a lot of people. I meet a lot of people at horror conventions and other pop-culture gatherings. Therefore I’ve witnessed every kind

Joe Bob's America

Who Cut the Balls Off San Francisco?

Jul 25 2019

MONTREAL—So now San Francisco is banning e-cigarettes, because a City Council member discovered there are still people making personal decisions about what to do with

Joe Bob's America

This Guy Really Needs a Lawyer So Let’s Not Give Him One

Jul 18 2019

KANSAS CITY—If you asked any American in, say, 1963 what he thought of the right to legal counsel, you would have gotten a 99 percent

Cultural Caviar

Baristas Are Slowly Going Insane

Jul 11 2019

JACKSONVILLE—First Starbucks had that incident in Philadelphia where two guys were arrested, in handcuffs, for loitering in a Starbucks, raising the philosophical question: Is it


If You Don’t Shut Up, I’m Gonna Blockchain Your Ass

Jul 04 2019

PITTSBURGH—Guys, you’re probably wondering what you get for your five mil when you buy into Whistlestop Zulu, and the answer is Blockchain On Steroids. We’ve

Cultural Caviar

J. Frank Dobie

Goddammit, Don, Too Soon. Too Soon.

Jun 27 2019

PHOENIX—The last time I saw Don Graham, we were talking about all the Canadian students at the University of Texas who come down to Austin

Cultural Caviar

My Byline Is Joe Bob By-God Briggs

Jun 20 2019

CHICAGO—We used to make fun of anybody who would be so arrogant as to put a byline on his own article. In fact, it was

Cultural Caviar

I Could Have Been Such a Charming Serial Killer

Jun 13 2019

CLEVELAND—Back in my acting days, I always wanted to be cast as the boyfriend/husband/charming-stranger-from-out-of-town in a Lifetime Movie of the Week. Who wouldn’t want that

Cultural Caviar

So Now Amsterdam Hates Tourists? Fine.

Jun 06 2019

NEW YORK—The goddamn foreigners are trampling the tulips in Bollenstreek. Yes, that’s what I said. Amsterdam has decided to stop advertising itself as a tourist

Cultural Caviar

Stop Lying and Eat Your Salad

May 30 2019

HOUSTON—If it doesn’t come from an animal—or, I guess, if you wanna get technical and include Soylent Green in our definition, an animal or a

Cultural Caviar

Is There a Vaccine for Vaccine-Haters?

May 23 2019

NASHVILLE—If you go to Trenton, the capital of New Jersey, and you look around the streets behind the Capitol, you might stumble upon a curious

Joe Bob's America

No Thanks, I’ll Skip the Asian Raccoon Feces in My $75 Espresso

May 16 2019

SYRACUSE, N.Y.—Over this past weekend there were exactly five places in Southern California where you could show up to exercise your Insane Hipster Street Cred.

Cultural Caviar

When You Can’t Hold Your Horses

May 09 2019

DALLAS—Millions of two-dollar bettors became experts on the rules of horse racing over the weekend after Maximum Security, a handsome bay colt with a white

Cultural Caviar

Samsung Sero

You, Too, Can Live Inside Your Phone

May 02 2019

LONDON, Ontario—The great thing about living among Canadians for a few days is that they don’t have an app for everything. They still answer their

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Graceland, Memphis

Heartbreak Luxury Hotels

Apr 25 2019

CHARLOTTE, N.C.—The lawyers and CPAs who run Elvis Presley Enterprises have been threatening the city of Memphis for the past two years with plans to


Jack Ma

The Joe Bob Briggs 168-Hour Workweek

Apr 18 2019

MADISON, Miss.—Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba, is a big believer in the twelve-hour workday and the six-day workweek. He’s basically a guy who forgot to

Cultural Caviar

Take My Wives, Please

Apr 11 2019

MILWAUKEE—There’s never been a better time to be a polygamist. All over Africa and the Middle East they’re loosening up the laws so that a


Hudson Yards

See NYC! Admission Price $11!

Apr 04 2019

NEW YORK—March 1, 2018, will go down as the day New York officially became a Museum City. I don’t mean a city full of great

Joe Bob's America

Forget the Mueller Report, I Want the Ames Report

Mar 28 2019

NEW YORK—So after two years of Mueller Reporting, what we know is: (a) Everything worth knowing was leaked to The New York Times in real

Joe Bob's America

Facebook Might Decide You’re a Hater

Mar 21 2019

AUSTIN, Tex.—Austin is the only city in America where Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez could speak—as she did last week at the South by Southwest Festival—and listeners