Joseph Allen

Joseph Allen

Joseph Allen climbs steel structures and solves math equations for a living—typically at the behest of appalling pop bands. It is a labor of love amid objects of contempt. His spare time is split between reading, writing, and more recently, mountaineering.

Cultural Caviar

The Disgust Reflex

Apr 03 2017

My friends on the far right see Marxists under every bed. But that's crazy, because everyone knows that Marxists don"€™t hide under beds"€”they bang their


T.G.I. Fridroids

May 13 2014

Recruitment software start-up Entelo just released a brave new product: Diversity. This "€œproprietary algorithm"€ scours the Internet to determine the sex and ethnicity of prospective

Cultural Caviar

Russell Crowe

No Room on the Ark

Apr 03 2014

Darren Aronofsky's Noah accomplishes what any great myth should: it communicates moral truths through a fantasy. Mankind has destroyed the Creator's creation, and so Man

Cultural Caviar

No Light at the End of the Cosmos

Mar 18 2014

There is no magic in the new Cosmos"€”no angels or demons, no dragons in Eden, just cold dust and burning gas viewed through rose-colored glasses.

Modern Weapons

Learning to Laugh at Stereotypes

Mar 13 2014

Of all the millions of ways to be an asshole, the status quo regards "€œracism"€ as the most alarming. Put on your X-ray specs and

Cultural Caviar

Roger Waters

Mr. Waters, Tear Down Your Own Wall!

Jul 07 2012

I watched Pink Floyd's trippy rock opera The Wall on VHS at least a dozen times as a kid. So when I heard that Roger

Cultural Caviar

Losers at the Game of Life

Apr 28 2012

People often compare video gamers to crackheads, but that’s unfair. Crackheads are way more motivated to get out of the house. While gamers cozy up

Cultural Caviar

Pop Evolution: The New Evangelicalism

Apr 20 2012

Did life evolve by purely natural processes? Could random mutation and natural selection really generate the human brain or the electrosensory system of the duck-billed


Resurrection of Christ by Rafael

Fundamental Contradictions About Easter

Apr 07 2012

"€œWhat day did Jesus die on?"€ my friend asked. "€œIt was on Christmas, right?"€ He wasn’t pulling my leg. We both grew up in a


Google Goggles

Apr 02 2012

As if smart phones weren’t irritating enough, by the end of the year people will be wearing them on their faces. Google Glasses will finally

Cultural Caviar

Race: Real and Surreal

Mar 23 2012

I tried to go into the 2012 American Renaissance conference without prejudice, but it was difficult. I’ve been taught since childhood that whites can’t be

Cultural Caviar

Jesus Returns (in a Tour Bus)

Mar 18 2012

Christian rock is just like any other music that sucks, except it’s played for Jesus. The other night I peeked into our local arena and


Thar’s Meth in Them Thar Hills

Mar 12 2012

Two years ago Oak Ridge, TN housed the world's fastest supercomputer. Even better, my state took the #1 rank for meth-lab busts that year. Nothing

Cultural Caviar

Smash Nomophobia!

Mar 05 2012

Nomophobia, or "€œno-mobile-phobia,"€ sounds as stupid as luposlipaphobia. At least the latter"€”the fear of being chased by wolves on slick kitchen linoleum while wearing socks"€”is

Cultural Caviar

Katy Perry

The Boredom of Whoredom

Sep 11 2011

A good woman is hard to find, especially if you’re a rigger. That’s my job, though—I climb high steel in arenas and rig tons upon


Male Gays and the Male Gaze

Jul 15 2011

It’s amazing what a man will do for love. To please my girlfriend, I recently found myself at a private, clothing-optional gay club in New

Cultural Caviar

Election Eve 2008: A Bad Night to be White in Harlem

Nov 17 2010

Two years ago, I was invited to an Election Eve party in Harlem. I found New York was vibrating with premature praise for our Savior.

Cultural Caviar

Cybershark Feeding Frenzy

Oct 20 2010

The perverse coupling of surveillance and exhibitionism forms a cornerstone of American technocracy. Most Americans, be they liberals or libertarians, are unnerved by government agents,

Cultural Caviar

Beyond the Burqa: America’s Role in Regulating Taste

Sep 29 2010

France's recent "€œBurqa Ban"€ has provoked all the global indignation and murderous outrage one would have expected. Pointed observations on the irony of a liberal

Death of Rock 'n' Roll

Bonnaroo: From Harmless Hippie Fest to Corporate Scam

Bonnaroo: From Harmless Hippie Fest to Corporate Scam

Jun 21 2010

In a perfect world, we would be stuffed together in plastic tents under the hot sun, breathing in the dust, absorbing the music. We would

Cultural Caviar

Why I Quit Touring with The Black Eyed Peas

Why I Quit Touring with The Black Eyed Peas

May 19 2010

Last year I toured with the Black Eyed Peas on their Japan/Australia run. It was dubbed The E.N.D. - World Tour, which was appropriate. The