Joe Bob Briggs

Joe Bob Briggs

Joe Bob Briggs is the drive-in movie critic of Grapevine, Texas, currently resident in New York City, where his pop culture commentary appears in print, on television and at various dive bars that defy the modern world by allowing the smoking of cigars.

Cultural Caviar

Have Your Cake But Don’t Eat It

Dec 21 2017

NEW YORK—If you’re having a gay wedding, and your cake has been baked by a man who thinks gay marriage is an abomination against God,

Joe Bob's America

First Amendment 101

Dec 14 2017

NEW YORK—It’s been a rough year for stump speaking in general, but let’s make a resolution for 2018: We need to start listening to these

Joe Bob's America

The Trump WHAT?

Dec 07 2017

NEW YORK—Why is it The Trump Era? Who invented this? Why do I read this forty times a week? I’m not sure I’m ready to

Cultural Caviar

Harvard Square

Let’s Name the Segregated Universities

Nov 30 2017

NEW YORK—Liberty University in Lynchburg, Virginia, was founded by a minister in order to train other ministers. Just like Harvard and Princeton. The difference is

Joe Bob's America

The Electoral College Works, Leave It Alone

Nov 23 2017

NEW YORK—Let’s all dogpile on the Electoral College. It’s undemocratic, it’s outdated, it’s un-American. The New York Times (surprise, surprise) believes it should be abolished

Cultural Caviar

Why China Wins

Nov 16 2017

PALM BEACH, Fla.—Elon Musk is not going to Mars in 2022. I hope I’m wrong. I hope I’m one of those guys they make fun

Cultural Caviar

I Got Your Aromatic Injection Right Here

Nov 09 2017

BROOKLINE, Mass.—Let me put this in context so you don’t think I’m an idiot. I like to read. I like words. I don’t shrink from

Joe Bob's America

News Alert: The Russians Aren’t Stupid

Nov 02 2017

TALLAHASSEE, Fla.—Let’s suppose young Boris and young Ivan are reporting to work on their first day of duty at the KGB Internet Ops Center outside

Cultural Caviar

None of the Above

Oct 26 2017

ORLANDO, Fla.—One of the funniest writers in the sports department where I started my career—a quick-witted guy who should have known better—got promoted to editorial

Cultural Caviar

Going Pink

Oct 19 2017

NEW YORK—There’s this moment in every production meeting—I don’t care if you’re making a movie, a TV show, a YouTube video, a reality show about


The Big Myth About Dirty Jobs, Minimum Wage, and Illegal Immigration

Oct 12 2017

NEW YORK—Wherever you stand on the Wetback Issue, you’re no longer allowed to say the following sentence: “Mexicans only take the dirty jobs that Americans

Cultural Caviar

“Despacito” for Gringos

Oct 05 2017

NEW YORK—When the most popular music video in the world (3.8 billion views) is about the premeditated stalking of a woman by not just one

Cultural Caviar

Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders

Take a Knee

Sep 28 2017

NEW YORK—I’ve decided to take a knee. There’s been too much police brutali— Wait a minute, is taking a knee about police brutality? Why did

Cultural Caviar

Last of the Hippie Filmmakers

Sep 21 2017

GREENVILLE, S.C.—Tobe Hooper passed away the same night Hurricane Harvey hit Texas, making it impossible for him to be properly honored in Austin or anywhere

Cultural Caviar

The Hurricane Algorithm

Sep 14 2017

NEW YORK—News executives love disasters. They get to act like Chuck Norris and Assemble the Squad. “Maginnis, you cover first responders.” “Wilson, get over to

Cultural Caviar

Exit the President

Jul 24 2017

NEW YORK"€”Stop saying dystopian. The next person who uses this word gets a Billy Jack leg whop to the right side of his face. Donald

Cultural Caviar

“€˜New York Times”€™ Reveals: Men Like Sex!

Jul 14 2017

NEW YORK"€”In 1943 the great Tex Avery created an animated cartoon character called, simply, Wolf. Wolf was a modern version of the wolf in "€œLittle

Cultural Caviar

American Airlines Is Messing With My Head

Jul 06 2017

NEW YORK"€”I don"€™t care about being the first one to board the plane. In fact, I wanna be the last one to board the plane.

Cultural Caviar

Jackson Square, New Orleans

New Orleans Is Not New Orleans Anymore

Jun 08 2017

CHARLESTON, S.C."€”The video of Robert E. Lee being taken off his pedestal"€”literally"€”was stunning enough, since that 1884 statue by Alexander Doyle is sculpted in a

Cultural Caviar

Kendall Jenner

I Apologize for This Column in Advance

May 29 2017

WASHINGTON"€”I would like to apologize in advance for not apologizing when people demand an apology. Of course, when I don"€™t apologize, many people believe that

Cultural Caviar

Stop Fiddling With Your Goddamn Phone

May 17 2017

NEW YORK"€”Stop fiddling with your phone. This is my theme today. I want you to consider some cause-and-effect scenarios. Maybe the reason you got jostled


Fremont Street, Las Vegas

Vegas Knows What to Do With a High Roller

May 10 2017

PALM BEACH, Fla."€”Hunter S. Thompson used to mail me giant photos of objects being blown to smithereens with dynamite or flung from some kind of

Cultural Caviar

Then Again, Maybe I”€™m a Black Man

Apr 24 2017

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn."€”I"€™m loving all these commercials where dim-witted actors say, "€œI thought I was a Tahitian Eskimo Mexican until I sent in my DNA

Cultural Caviar

Bikers in the White House

Feb 27 2017

OMAHA, Neb."€”Several years back, two Hell's Angels showed up in Dallas to give me an award. It was a gold-plated ball-peen hammer mounted on wood,

Cultural Caviar

Strange Transmissions From Earth. Houston, Please Verify

Feb 07 2017

TO: Shane Kimbrough, Commander, International Space Station FROM: Zeb Scoville, Flight Director, Johnson Space Center, Houston Subject: Upcoming briefing for Andrei Borisenko, Sergey Ryzhikov, Thomas

Cultural Caviar

A Brief History of the Redneck

Jan 30 2017

KANSAS CITY, Mo."€”Last week, when I outed myself as an Angry White Man, I got some of that dreaded "€œnativist"€ fan mail. (Is it my