The Week’s Most Guessing, Confessing, and Stop-the-Pressing Headlines THE CHUNG POISONER’S HANDBOOK Say Yu, say me Say it for always That bitch poisoned my tea! Tiger mom, meet lye-ger wife. She’s a whiz with caustic chemicals in the kitchen, but she doesn’t use ’em for cleaning. Poor ...
The Week’s Most Blighted, Delighted, and United Headlines “NOW I AM BECOME METH” It’s easy to laugh at vapid Hollywood celebrities. Sometimes we laugh so hard we forget the many amazing scientific advancements gifted to the world by Tinseltown’s finest. John Landis proved that when an ...
The Week’s Most Spanking, Banking, and Pranking Headlines CHINAMAN WOKS THE PRANK Me Chinese, Me make joke, Me make fools of African folk. As China ruthlessly colonizes Africa, usurping and exploiting the Dark Continent’s resources for the benefit of the yellow nation, Chinese pranksters are ...
The Week’s Most Craving, Slaving, and Heat-Waving Headlines GIVING BLACKS THE BIG BIRD Over the years, Sesame Street has pandered to the “diversity and inclusion” crowd with numerous episodes aimed at black kids. Same message, again and again: Your color makes you special. Last year the ...
The Week’s Most Newtonian, Draconian, and Babylonian Headlines YOU WIN SOME, YOU NEWSOM California’s name is attached to many things. The California roll, the California Zephyr, the California king mattress (big enough to accommodate twenty illegal aliens), the California grizzly (once ...
The Week’s Most Decaying, Soothsaying, and Dog-Daying Headlines BLACK IS FLAMMABLE “Burn baby burn” is all fun and games until someone makes it literal. The African People’s Socialist Party is a black separatist hate group dedicated to killing whitey and establishing a black ethnostate at ...
The Week’s Most Sniping, Griping, and Stars-and-Striping Headlines MORE THAN A WOMB ’UN The womb is back, and wetter than ever. After years of stern lectures from leftists about how “woman” is a social construct and biological “parts” are irrelevant to gender, the end of Roe has made ...
The Week’s Most Mummering, Bummering, and Summering Headlines JUNETEENTH PICNIC: FREE KNUCKLE SAMMICHES! In the U.K., the day after Christmas is Boxing Day. In the U.S., the day after Juneteenth is Bagging Day, in which the gunfire casualties from the previous day’s celebrations are ...
The Week’s Most Eeny, Meeny, and Juneteeny Headlines 31 FLAVORS A SLAVE Juneteenth, a Texas-originated celebration marking the end of slavery, had traditionally been a regional, minor jubilee. But in June 2020 craven government officials needed figurative pork rinds to toss the ravenous BLM ...
The Week’s Most Flaying, Fraying, and Flag-Daying Headlines WET BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE BELONGED It’s back! The parade no one wants. No floats, just flotsam. The marching band is marching bandidos. No drill squad, but a mile of clowns. Yes, it’s another “migrant caravan,” shambling from ...
