The Week’s Most Flaying, Spaying, and Memorial Daying Headlines OKAY, WHO CAUSED A TEMPORAL PARADOX? In the Bizarro 1980s (an inverted-reality dimension), Philip Michael Thomas became an A-list movie star after Miami Vice. Bobcat Goldthwait launched the most successful sitcom of all time (“a ...
The Week’s Most Burying, Ferrying, and Primarying Headlines ENOUGH WITH THE POLACKS ALREADY Call it the Museum of Intolerance. New York’s Museum of Jewish Heritage has banned Florida governor Ron DeSantis from speaking on its grounds. DeSantis was scheduled to give a talk on “the vibrancy ...
The Week’s Most Ellipsing, Eclipsing, and Apocalypsing Headlines SKULLED LABORERS There are many indicators that you may be living in a crappy country. Frequent coups and juntas, plagues of diseases born of poor hygiene, streets running with human excrement, towns controlled by warlords, famines ...
The Week’s Most Spaying, Swaying, and Mother’s Daying Headlines WORDS ARE VIOLENCE! (SO IS VIOLENCE) America’s trannies rank among the greatest inventors of our time. True innovators, like George Washington Self-Carver, Androgene Polley, and Pedophilo Farnsworth. Look at all the genders ...
The Week’s Most Husking, Busking, and Elon Musking Headlines BANNED, ON THE RUN The danger in being a merciless tyrant is that if your regime is toppled, those to whom you showed no mercy will repay the unkindness a thousandfold once they’re the ones in power. This must’ve been the main ...
The Week’s Most Swaying, Braying, and Earth-Daying Headlines BLACK FACE IN BLACKFACE For the professional blackface hunter, that dogged activist who ferrets out and cancels anyone who dares to wear blackface, times are lean. Average whites just don’t black up anymore, and the remaining ...
The Week’s Most Shining, Pining, and Passover-Wining Headlines GIVING UP DECENCY FOR LENT Lent used to be about resisting evil. Now one church is making it about giving in. After all, what better way to show devotion to God than by rejecting a large segment of His creation? According to a ...
The Week’s Most Calming, Psalming, and Sunday-Palming Headlines THE BIG APPLE’S GENDERLESS WORMS NYC mayor Eric Adams has a hard life. Like getting court orders to smother toddlers with unnecessary masks, and then partying maskless with boozing billionaire “actress” Cara Delevingne (a ...
The Week’s Most Grueling, Drooling, and April-Fooling Headlines SLAPPY BLACK Once again, an onstage disaster has overshadowed the Best Picture win of a woke film. In 2017, the Warren Beatty/Faye Dunaway envelope mix-up upstaged the win by the black-African-immigrant-gay-tranny-Hispanic-pedo film ...
The Week’s Most Shaking, Baking, and Spring-Breaking Headlines STAR TREK: THE NEXT DEFECATION Sci-fi has a long history of calling things wrong. Blade Runner predicted a 2019 L.A. with no Mexicans except Edward James Olmos. Back to the Future Part II predicted hoverboards in 2015. And 2001: A ...
