The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Drifting, Uplifting, and Regifting Headlines ONE FIN, TWO FIN, REDFIN, F.U.-FIN Seattle-based real estate brokerage website Redfin boasts a team of Pacific Northwest “progressives” working ’round the clock to make the real estate business less racist! Last week, Redfin ...

Sarah Baartman

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Chiding, Abiding, and Yuletiding Headlines THE BAD PARENT-HOOD Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow...with murderousness! Last week in Garden Grove, Calif., a youth basketball game was disrupted when one of the player’s mamas, Latira Shonty-Hunt (of the Orange County ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Shaking, Baking, and Merrymaking Headlines “I’M DREAMING OF AN ANTIWHITE CHRISTMAS!” BLM has declared war on Christmas. After all, who’s more of a white supremacist than Santa? White elves outnumber black ones in his workshop (except in the basketball shoes department, ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Cradling, Ladling, and Dreideling Headlines INDIGENOUS INDIGNITIES Last week was a bad one for fake Injuns. First there was Lewis Rath, an emaciated vegan hipster artist who’d been selling handcrafted totem poles claiming to be an Apache woodworker. Turns out Rath’s as ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Herky, Jerky, and Stuffed-With-Turkey Headlines MASKS SAVE LIVES (BECAUSE WE’LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON’T WEAR ONE) There’s an old vaudeville routine about a man who walks by a peddler. The peddler offers to sell him a vial of tonic: Peddler: “Buy this and you’ll live ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Jittery, Glittery, and Skittery Headlines SESAME STREET’S SLIPPERY SLOPE “The eyes are the window to the soul.” No two people agree on where that phrase originated. Some say the Bible, others say the ancient Greeks, while others say the “where’s the beef” lady. Some ...

President Joe Biden

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Classified, Sassified, and Gassified Headlines JUMPIN’ JOE FLASH, IT’S A GAS GAS GAS! Last week’s 2021 U.N. Climate Change Conference was held in Glasgow, but President Biden made it Gasgow. According to British papers, Joe blew ’em away, letting out what Camilla Parker ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Abjectioning, Electioning, and Insurrectioning Headlines CUNNING STUNTS Last week’s election provided many fine opportunities for schadenfreude. Ibram X. Kendi might have to change his name again because his brand couldn’t be more tarnished at the moment (suggestion: ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Fleeting, Cheating, and Trick-or-Treating Headlines GAY BASH GAY BASHED Blacks and gays come across as two Southern gentlemen slapping each other in the face with dueling gloves for all eternity. Even after last week’s failed “tranny walkout,” LGBTBLTs are continuing to ...

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Arched, Starched, and Parched Headlines THE GREAT NETFLIX PRANCE-OUT When BLM sacked L.A. last year, the “peaceful protesters” focused on the wealthy Westside. It made sense; upscale territory filled with treasure. Sadly for the transgenders who held a protest outside ...