The Week’s Most Cheering, Jeering, and Happy New Yearing Headlines SLAP UNHAPPY Poor Will Smith, doomed to a career bookended by plaintively wailing, “How come they don’t want me, man?” Smith’s reportedly in deep distress over the failure of his latest “Oscar bait” film, ...
The Week’s Most Snowing, Glowing, and Ho-Ho-Ho-ing Headlines THE TRAGICALLY HIPPO Christmas carols in Africa have their own unique flavor: I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, Only a hippopotamus will do! Mom’s got Ebola, and Marburg took my dad, But a hippo in my stocking, that would surely ...
The Week’s Most Tingling, Mingling, and Kris Kringling Headlines DODDER KNOWS BEST Wearing his finest Christmas sweater, Joe Biden sits in his comfy recliner by a roaring fireplace. The family dog brings him his pipe and slippers. Aides rush in because Biden has a burning slipper in his mouth ...
The Week’s Most Hopping, Bopping, and Christmas-Shopping Headlines REFRIED BEAN There’s a reason Mexicans do the drywall and not the electrics. The Miss Sahuayo Pageant in Michoacán is one of Mexico’s largest and most beloved beauty contests. Every year, hundreds of young chicas whore ...
The Week’s Most Grandstanding, Rebranding, and Winter Wonderlanding Headlines DEAF COMEDY JAM Blackface, meet blackhand. Last month, the sign-language interpreter for Broadway’s The Lion King was fired for being white. The black performers who comprise the musical’s cast felt it was ...
The Week’s Most Remembered, Dismembered, and Decembered Headlines WOE-PENING CEREMONIES A dictatorship where slavery is commonplace, homosexuality is illegal, and women are subjugated, Qatar saw the World Cup as an opportunity to prove that it’s even worse than its reputation. The greatest ...
The Week’s Most Romping, Stomping, and Turkey-Chomping Headlines UNKINDERTRANSPORT Not since the Holocaust or the Seinfeld finale have Jews had such a bad week. First, there was Dave Chappelle, who surprised everybody in the world except anyone who knows Dave Chappelle by making fun of Kanye, ...
The Week’s Most Perming, Squirming, and Midterming Headlines GUNFIGHT AT THE O.G. CORRAL In The Little Mermaid, Hans Christian Andersen described Ariel as “white,” with “pale skin” and “blue eyes.” The character was specifically Caucasian; after all, she could swim. Plus, that time ...
The Week’s Most Glowering, Empowering, and Gain-an-Houring Headlines COUNTING (JIM) CROWS Orwell was a genius. Prescient, prophetic, a visionary. Well, in everything but title choices. Because while you’ve certainly heard of 1984 and Animal Farm, it’s less likely you’ve ever come across ...
The Week’s Most Randying, Bandying, and Halloween Candying Headlines HAPPY HITLERWEEN! With Halloween parties and trick-or-treating back in full-swing post-pandemic, the woke scribes who make a living telling white folks how to dress for the season are back too, to tell you what costumes to ...
