The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Eclectic, Anorectic, and Apoplectic Headlines THE STUNNING AND BRAVE STATELY HOMOS OF TWITTER Back when The Simpsons was still relevant (and funny), there was an episode in which the Springfield gay-pride parade ...

Satana Deberry

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Cloying, Annoying, and Soul-Destroying Headlines BEELZEBUB HONORS RBG If you were a fiction writer trying to come up with a name for a diabolically evil female character, you couldn’t do better than “Satana ...

Alyssa Milano

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Sassiest, Brassiest, and Gassiest Headlines ALYSSA “DEFUND THE POLICE” MILANO CALLS 911 ON SQUIRREL-SHOOTING DOMESTIC TERRORIST Formerly sexy actress Alyssa Milano is best known for her groundbreaking 1988 workout ...

Donald Trump

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Glamorous, Clamorous, and Amorous Headlines SPORTS FANS BOO OPPOSING TEAM, WHITE SUPREMACY GETS BLAMED If there are two categories in which black people outperform nearly everyone else on the planet, those would be ...

Chesa Boudin

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Creepiest, Weepiest, and Sleepiest Headlines NEW TREND: DISTRICT ATTORNEYS WHO HATE THE LAW If, like us, you’ve been wondering why poor retarded blacks and rich entitled whites have been looting and raping and burning ...

Ted Wheeler

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Lecherous, Treacherous, and Obstreperous Headlines PORTLAND MAYOR TO MOVE AWAY FROM PEACEFUL PROTESTORS WHO’VE BEEN TRYING TO SET HIS CONDO ON FIRE Ted Wheeler looks like the type of guy who’d own a condo in ...

Kamala Harris

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Porcine, Unclean, and Obscene Headlines WHY WE SHOULD ALL KEEP MISPRONOUNCING “KAMALA” Joe Biden promised the nation that he would pick a colored woman as his running mate, and now that he has fulfilled his ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Incessant, Tumescent, and Adolescent Headlines FEDS NAB BANNON ON FRAUD CHARGES Apart from helping to forge a populist coalition that pushed Donald Trump toward presidential victory four years ago, Steve Bannon is ...

Beirut, Lebanon 2020

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Aggressive, Excessive, and Oppressive Headlines NONWHITE WORKERS AT CANADIAN ANTI-RACISM MUSEUM COMPLAIN OF RACISM Winnipeg is the largest city in the Canadian province of Manitoba, as if that’s some kind of ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Maddest, Baddest, and Saddest Headlines ZIMBABWE PROMISES WHITE FARMERS COMPENSATION, THEN ASKS THEM TO RAISE THE FUNDS Zimbabwe—formerly the Breadbasket of Africa and now better known as Africa’s Rectum—used to be ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Narcissistic, Chauvinistic, and Unrealistic Headlines ROBIN DIANGELO’S FRAGILE IDEOLOGY Robin DiAngelo is a millionaire white woman who appears to be so filled with inner turmoil that her face looks ready to crumble ...

Charlamagne tha God

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Incurable, Unendurable, and Uninsurable Headlines BLACK RADIO HOST WITH ATROCIOUS SPELLING SKILLS SAYS JEWS “HAVE THE POWER” A New York radio host who was born Lenard Larry McKelvey insists on calling himself ...


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