The Week That Perished

The Week’s Pearliest, Whirliest, and Churliest Headlines NEW YORK TIMES: SEXUAL ASSAULT IS NO BIG DEAL
In a move that will shock and traumatize those who have been victimized ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Accidental, Detrimental, and Unsentimental Headlines LESBIAN PENGUINS IN LONDON ACCUSED OF RAISING A GENDER-NEUTRAL CHICK As we all know—under threat of death ...

Jack Dorsey

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Solid, Stolid, and Squalid Headlines JACK GETS HACKED: TWITTER CEO’S ACCOUNT PRAISES HITLER, DROPS N-BOMB Jack Dorsey is the CEO of the well-past-its-prime ...

Tucker Carlson

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Unnecessary, Involuntary, and Unsanitary Headlines TUCKER CARLSON’S RATINGS REMAIN STRONG AFTER HE CALLED WHITE SUPREMACY A “HOAX” Tucker Carlson is the ...

Cory Booker


The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Hedonic, Demonic, and Sardonic Headlines NEW YORK TIMES ANNOUNCES SWITCH OF EDITORIAL FOCUS FROM RUSSIAN COLLUSION HOAX TO WHITE SUPREMACY HOAX We’re not even ...

Chris

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Sweatiest, Pettiest, and Readiest Headlines WHY CHRIS CUOMO NEEDS TO LEGALLY CHANGE HIS NAME TO “FREDO” In perhaps what is the most significant event for the ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Imbecilic, Coprophilic, and Pedophilic Headlines BOY SCOUTS: A NEST OF PEDOS? The Boy Scouts of America are involved in a decades-long attempt to conceal a ...

Jeffrey Epstein

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Sickest, Slickest, and Thickest Headlines SEXUAL PSYCHOPATH JEFFREY EPSTEIN WANTS TO SEED THE PLANET WITH HIS JIZZ According to songwriter Burt Bacharach, what the ...

Erica Thomas

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Addictive, Constrictive, and Vindictive Headlines FEMALE POLITICIAN’S HATE-CRIME HOAX UNRAVELS QUICKER THAN SHE CAN SCREAM, “RACIST!!!” Erica Thomas is an ...

Ilhan Omar

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Candid, Underhanded, and Reprimanded Headlines TRUMP GOES FULL PIRANHA AGAINST COLORED CONGRESSWOMEN Despite the fact that he’s raised the debt and failed ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Quixotic, Sclerotic, and Unpatriotic Headlines FACEBOOK BANS VIOLENT THREATS UNLESS THE TARGET IS “DANGEROUS” Because violence isn’t violence so long as ...

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Chancrous, Rancorous, and Cantankerous Headlines BETSY ROSS DOES NOT REFLECT AMERICA’S VALUES When he isn’t failing as a professional quarterback, the ...

Vladimir Putin

The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Foolish, Ghoulish, and Mulish Headlines PUTIN SAYS LIBERALISM IS OBSOLETE There is absolutely no debate that Vladimir Putin is one of the world’s sexiest men, ...


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